In this installment of A Man Should Know for The Free Press, Elliot Ackerman reflects on friendship, loyalty, and the quiet work required to sustain meaningful relationships over time.
The essay centers on one of Ackerman’s closest friendships, a bond maintained for more than 20 years through early-morning runs. Their friendship does not depend on frequent lunches or long phone calls, but on a shared rhythm of showing up, running side by side, and speaking honestly.
How Men Build Friendship
Ackerman considers why men often connect most naturally through shared activity. Running, fishing, golf, surfing, or sitting together at a bar can create the kind of side-by-side intimacy that allows friendship to deepen without forcing it.
Showing Up Consistently
The essay argues that friendship requires consistency. A good friend is not only present when convenient, but keeps returning to the relationship through habit, effort, and care.
Taking Care of the Friendship
At its center, the essay is about recognizing the few great friends a person may be fortunate enough to have and protecting those relationships. For Ackerman, friendship is built through loyalty, time, shared challenge, and the willingness to keep walking side by side.